But, it's hard not to be. I see all these mom's having easy deliveries or c-sections that turn out just fine. And I remember all that Gracie and I went through to bring her into the world.
June 20, 2010 was my due date which was a Sunday. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for the next day and since my blood pressure was so high they decided to induce. I remember telling the nurse at my appointment that I was hoping it was high but not as high as it was. My mom kept telling me to take a bag with me to that appointment but of course I didn't listen and Andy had to go home for our hospital bag (oops).
Everything went fine with the induction. I really never had consistent contractions that I can remember. Felt like normal cramps to be honest. My water broke on it's on around 2030 and I decided to go ahead and get the epidural. Mainly because since my water had broken they wouldn't let me out of bed to pee and I couldn't use a bed pan. So yeah ;)
The epidural only worked on the left side of my body. And I honestly didn't want to feel ANYTHING so they gave me some meds in my IV which make me loopy and tired. But, whatever. I didn't really care at that point of time.
Around 1300 it was go time. I was SO tired. I didn't want to push. I wanted to sleep. But, I started to wake up after a little while and kept looking at the clock thinking "oh my goodness I could have two more hours of pushing". I kind of "knew" something was wrong and kept telling them I wanted a c-section. The nurse kept saying "no, it's major surgery. You don't want that".
Her head came out and we were all laughing because I said "is her head going back in". But, then the mood changed drastically. Dr. Smith told Andy to hit the call button but, that didn't happen fast enough so he yelled into the hallway. Tons of nurses and doctors came in the room. They had pushed Andy up against the wall and he looked stunned and scared. I had no clue what was going on but I knew it HURT. There were nurses pushing on my stomach. I'm screaming my head off. Then, I figured, maybe the screaming isn't helping and I should try to push.
Dr. Smith tried everything he could from the outside to get Gracie out. But, he couldn't and had to tear me from front to back to reach inside and pull her arm over her head so she would have enough room to come out. Turns out my pelvic bone is tilted. She was born at 1350 on 6/22/2010.
When Gracie finally came out I kept asking "why isn't she crying? Is she okay?" and nobody would answer me. My blood pressure had spiked to 290/210 and they were working to save both of our lives. Gracie wasn't breathing, moving, nothing. She was totally blue. But, finally they got her to breathe. Every blood vessel in her eyes had burst due to the pressure she had been under. But, she was alive. Without oxygen for almost 5 minutes but she was alive. Her right arm was also paralyzed from the pressure of the bone on her shoulder. It stunned all the nerves.
My mom kept asking the nurses what Gracie scored on the APGAR and they just said "not good". It wasn't until a year later that we finally knew she had all '0's and one '1'. The '1' was on her heart. It was beating VERY slowly.
She is my miracle. There are no effects from what she went through. She's a smart, happy, healthy 3 year old. She drives me up a wall daily but she is mine...and I would not trade her for the world.
